I Haven't Let Go Yet

It's been a quite while and still I haven't roamed around the city without thinking still of how I lost one great person in my life. It has been one year already since she left—since I've let her flourish and grow as the woman that she is today. Say that I had a thought that it was a right decision, but what kept haunting me is how I did her wrong. I've never been good—and maybe I wouldn't ever be if I'm lying to who I am with now.

My current partner—she's far from who I am in love with from the very start or so I thought. I can tell that she's a lot better, but you know how the concept works of that even how good or sweet you are, it just wouldn't work out with someone that has this growing doubt and neglectfulness. I do, somehow, saw the fault I was in—t'was then I realized that I just required a patch on a hole that was left open. I loved her for a very short time, but I guess the relationship that I've built with her will not be effective till months or even a year if I still have her—my ex who's been circulating my thoughts and invading even my dreams. I am truly sorry and apologetic for R. I already have the knowledge that she's nothing but kind and loving to me, and investing a lot of time and waste of money on me. Although it can be a lot like flattering, I want to end it—I need to cut ties and let her go on her own way and not deal with selfish ass.

Unbeknownst my will, I guess I would've chosen to stay the fuck away from people ever since I've entered senior high school. The excuses I've made are no longer valid for me to be seen as nice and saint-like. I used people—for my own good. I have no idea how to compensate for such a huge mistake, though I'm telling you that I really am sorry for shit I've done. The things I've done, there is no more validity for it and considered unacceptable already.

Have I ever been so wise enough to choose happiness? Yes. Am I still sulking? Perhaps. We were better off as friends, the one I am with right now. I hope before the year ends, I get to have this change of heart and just let things be. It's been a year and four months since we've been through and I just need to let R through and into my heart completely without a doubt nor hesitation.